The Unexpected Answer

My heart raced heavily and my lungs gasped for air as sweat poured off my forehead. I cried out in desperation to God, longing for Him to speak. I was looking for direction in a specific area of my life, and if I’m honest, I was looking for a mental distraction. I was on the home stretch of a run against the elements of the cold winter wind and rain, ending on a steep uphill of my parents’ driveway. It was all I could do to keep my feet moving.

As I started up the hill, I prayed to keep my mind off the physical struggle. I said, “Lord, I give you all of me. I give you my family, my health, my writing, my goals, my ambitions…” I continued listing specific areas of my life… and then, I asked, “what else is left to give?” Clear in my soul, I felt Him saying, “your pride”. Ouch. I should have known better than to ask. At first, in my defensive nature, I thought, “Not me. I’m not a prideful person…” (thinks every prideful person)

Revelations and Reminders

God, in his graciousness, slowly began to reveal areas where I needed to reprioritize and humble myself before him. He showed me places where I cared too much about what others thought. He pointed out that I had been measuring my worth by my accomplishments and successes – or lack thereof. I had been focused on striving, doing, and trying to prove myself to others (and frankly, to myself). He reminded me that without him, I can do nothing. My worth is found in Him alone. It doesn’t change based on others’ opinions. It isn’t reliant on a paycheck or public accolades. It doesn’t zig and zag like values in the stock market.

I had been pouring too much time and energy into making myself seem “successful”. I was so focused on trying to spend my time efficiently that I lost the importance of just resting in the presence of Jesus. As if somehow being still was wasting time, being lazy or idle. As I have begun to slow down and seek him, He has been showing my heart that things may not look like what I envisioned. I need to stop worrying about trying to please others and simply lean into God’s direction and what He is calling me to.

When we ask God to speak, we’re not always going to like what we hear. When He points out something in us that needs work, it’s easy to think, “no, no, no… you must have me confused with someone else. I’m your humble servant, remember?” That may work on anyone else in our lives, but we can’t hide our true selves from the creator of our souls. As Christians, we are constant works-in-progress, learning more every day and in constant need of God shaping our hearts, if we will allow him.

In our vulnerability, whether physical or emotional, God shows up. He meets us where we are, and encourages us to grow. This often involves revealing of hard truths and making uncomfortable changes.

Is your heart open to hearing what He is saying to you?

” Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility, value others above yourselves“

Philippians 2:3